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Migraine Blue - The Goal Is To Be Free of Migraine

 
Migraineblue is my life now.My goal is to be migraine free.To be be able to be outside and look up at the sky the way I used to,with joy,not fear. To be free to live.

Migraine Blue - October 2008

Hiding your pain behind a mask

October 27th 2008 14:53

Halloween

I made it to the Halloween party my daughter has each year.It was so much fun to watch the kids playing and having fun.I forget what it's like to be out among other people.
The word fun is something not usually in my life.Pain is like a sponge,it sucks the life out of you.It is you.You are the pain.Even though it's been this many years of chronic migraine,people don't get it.
Your spouse or partner may try to understand,but I believe most just get tired of it.As if we choose pain,ask for it.I want a life without pain.I'm not just tired.I want a life.I want to be able to do things,go places.
With the weather now a major trigger for me,there are starting to be more bad days than good.I was just getting my hopes up because the opposite was true for awhile.I was hoping that I'd be able to enjoy the holidays this year.
I hold on to the hope,yet I have so much fear.The pain that I find myself in today is so bad.
The top of my head throbs,sharp shooting pains that start to go down the back of my head.My face throbs.
I feel sick.I am lightheaded.I am so tired,no amount of sleep gives me the rest I need.
I cannot believe in a world full of so many advances that more is not done where migraine is concerned.There are so many people suffering in silence,ashamed to go to a doctor for help because of a "headache". How many times I've gone to the er for help and hear the words from the doctors & nurses "Oh,a headache."
So,today I'll pretend I'm ok.I'll exhaust myself even more by putting on a mask.How fitting for this time of year.

Really Long Link Check out another of my migraine site/forums
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Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeennn!!

October 24th 2008 00:21
Grandkids,scary,huh?
grandkids,scary,huh?
happy halloween
I am excited because it's been several years since I have been able to go to the big Halloween party my oldest daughter has each year.Migraine has kept me home.I have had a higher level of pain in the past 2 months than I was,but this is not going to keep me away.
All my daughters and grandchildren will be there.My daughter and her husband go all out for this holiday.I can't wait.Having been basically homebound for the four years,I am trying hard to crawl out of my hole.
I am hopeful to be able to celebrate the holidays this year.
So I wish you a Happy Halloweennnnnnnnn!!
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My 31st Wedding Anniversary


It is 31 years together.We have grown up together,really.We were young and of course most people did not think we'd make it.We have raised three beautiful,strong daughters.We have four wonderful grandchildren.
Throughout our life together,we have been through many things.Just look at the world has changed at lightning speed.
These past ten years have been the most trying.We expect to get older.We expect changes.But what migraine disease has done to our life is change who I am.I cannot be the person I am inside.I mourn for the person I was.I long for the person I could be and the life we should have together.
The past four years though,have been the worst,as migraine progressed into chronic,daily high level pain.I have been bedridden,with few exceptions.I have missed out on holidays,birthdays,family get togethers.
Spending so many hours,days,nights in a fetal position.Not wanting to die,but not wanting to live this way.
My husband and children have taken me on many trips to the er.It has been a nightmare.
I will say that recently,I am having better days than bad.So,this gives me hope.
Today,I reflect on 30 years of a life with the person I love.And I look to a future of getting migraine under control.Becoming the person I want to be,for us to have the life I know that is meant to be.
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